Skip to main content
Skip to navigation

This site is archival. Please visit the current MIZZOU magazine site for up-to-date content.

If pizza be the food of love ...

Shakespeare's follows in the footsteps of its namesake

shakespears

Aside from downright delicious pizza, the relaxed atmosphere at Shakespeare's Pizza is just one of the things we love about the restaurant. The image above appeared on one of the establishment's funny — and somewhat bizarre — table tents.

For years, the fine folks at Shakespeare’s Pizza have made us chuckle with their witty and seemingly arbitrary print advertisements. Written in the spirit of the irreverent restaurant, they often read like spontaneous creative writing assignments or Mad magazine excerpts. Here are a few of our favorites from recent years.

Top 10 Shakespeare’s advertisements:

10) FREE WITH ANY PURCHASE: 25-Watt Light Bulb
Don’t ask. Just take your light bulb. Must be 21 with photo ID. Limited supplies: if we’re out of bulbs, you’re out of luck.

9) TRUE STORY

When we dropped paper napkins and started with the red cloths, we had a surplus of chrome paper napkin dispensers from each table. Dozens. Booche’s had one, near the grill. So without calling Booche’s, we gave the box of dispensers to a rookie employee and told him to return them (?) to Booche’s, just set them on their bar and get back, don’t dawdle. So now Booche’s has lots of napkin holders, and we’re guessing they don’t have any idea where they came from.

8) PARENTS OF GRADS REPOSITORY: GRADUATION 2008
Shakes Alum Legacy Rate......................................+312%
Grads’ Parents who used to go to Shakes..................98.6%
Grad Party Reservation Requests.................................113
Can we park here all day for Commencement?............$100
Tassels found the next morning................................3.141
Grads who actually leave Columbia.......................33-1/3%

7) The Single Malt of Pizzas

6) JOURNALISM 101
If you want to write to express yourself, write poetry. If you want to write to make money, write ransom notes.

5) 2/12/81, 2 AM, AFTER A LONG NIGHT TOSSING DOUGH, STARING AT A JIMI HENDRIX POSTER …
If you hold the open end of a beer pitcher over one ear, and hold another about an inch away from your other ear, then move them back and forth so one is near your ear and the other isn’t, then one isn’t and the other is, and back and forth and back and forth, it sounds like the whole ocean is sloshing around inside your brain. Stop by, and we’ll do it for you, and you don’t even have to buy anything, and it doesn’t hurt or give you a headache, we promise.

4) AND DON’T CALL US “ASSOCIATES”
Top Ten Things Employees Do During Work Breaks:
1: Get a RSBRBSCR at the Squeeze
2: Eat Pizza
3: Get a Western at Booche’s
4: Eat Cold Pizza
5: Dash out for a quick tattoo
6: Sleep
7: Wash their hands… only they know why
8: Smoke
9: Make Love, not War
10: RED BULL!!

3) OFFICIAL SHAKE’S DINING ROOM CHAIRS
COMMERCIAL QUALITY; BUILT LIKE A TANK; COMPLETE WITH YEARS OF HISTORY AND UNTOLD STORIES; ACTUAL REAL GUM UNDERNEATH; SCUFFS, SCRATCHES AND OTHER PROOF OF COUNTLESS NIGHTS OF PIZZA- AND LIBATION-INDUCED DEBAUCHERY, REVELRY, AND CELEBRATION; YET * PERFECTLY SERVICEABLE *
Includes CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY
Signed by Those That Matter
Regularly $15… NOW $4.99 
WHILE SUPPLIES LAST

2) FLYING WORM SUPPLY
Eagles may soar, but worms don’t get sucked into jet engines.

1) FOUND: CAT
AND THEN, NEXT WEEK…
FREE CAT

Keep up with all things Mizzou by facebook joining MIZZOU magazine on Facebook.

Share your comments with Mizzou magazine at Mizzou@missouri.edu.

Note: If published, feedback may be edited for length, style and clarity.